Saturday, January 31, 2009
Lows and Highs
Right around the time of performances is often when I experience the biggest emotional roller coaster that comes with being a performer. There is the excitement, nerves and energy of the lead up to the opening, followed by ecstasy if I'm happy with the way it went or horrible depression if it didn't go well. Then, after the show opens, suddenly I have a ton of free time on my hands because I only work for 3 hours or so once every few days. The free time can either be really fun or really shocking, depending on the situation. If the gig is full of people I've loved hanging out with and we continue to spend tons of time playing around, the free time is super fun, followed by the depression of having the gig be over and having to leave all these wonderful new friends and go somewhere else. Or, if everyone's significant others, parents, family, and friends descend into town for the performances and we all go our separate ways, I get bored and lonely after all the playing around we did in rehearsals, and start to feel low. But then maybe one day my agent calls to tell me about a great gig I've landed in the future. Yipee!!!! High high high!! Then I find out about another gig I really really really wanted that went to someone else. Low low low. Then I read a great review of the performance. High, but tinged with the knowledge that if I believe the good ones I have to believe the bad ones. Then I read a mean comment posted by a random person on a blog saying awful things about me and my singing. Loooooooooow low low. Then the gig is finally over and I get to go home and sleep in my own bed and see all my friends in New York. Hiiiiiigh!!! Then I wake up the next day and really miss the new friends I made on the gig and realize that I have no idea when I'll see any of them again. Looooow. Then I get out of bed, repack my suitcases and get in line for another ride on the roller coaster. After all, what's the point of life if you can't experience it from different altitudes.